It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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