Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Less talking, more tequila
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
