ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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