You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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