a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
