"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
