I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
