So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
