My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
