dude i'm inner monologue high
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
