I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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