You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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