I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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