Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
