can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
