You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
