i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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