Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
