Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
