Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
