I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
