I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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