i think my mom watched the whole time
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Two words: nipple clamps
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