i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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