You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
