HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think i got beer on your cat.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
