It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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