Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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