why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
