So drunk its hurt
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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