my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
