U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
