Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
