okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
