Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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