idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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