Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
