thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
