I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
