I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
