It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why did my mother make you get naked?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
