The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
