After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
