I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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