Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i think my cat just said my name.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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