Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
