Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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