whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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