everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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