my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
