He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
