dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just google imaged poop.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
