How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
